True Life: I’m Jealous of my Dog

You guys, I’m starting to realize I’ve got the sh!t end of the stick when it comes to this dog parent thing. Luna lives a pretty decent life if you ask me. Meanwhile I’m the one who has to get up and go to work every day to support her. Such a free loader.

She lives rent free. This is probably my biggest beef with Luna. We’ve talked about it before but she doesn’t care because she knows I won’t make her go to work on the corner like a little harlot. But I think she’d really enjoy it. Just tie her up to a fence on the corner of a busy day and she’d charge $1/pet. We’d be rich, people.

Has food brought to her. Yeah, um, last time I checked, when I want food brought to me I have to a) pay for it b) leave a tip or on the rare occasion I am nice to Steven c) its free with a side of sass.

Receives a belly rubs upon request. Sprawls herself out on the carpet, on a blanket, you name it. She just rolls on over and somehow I am entranced and have to give her a little belly rub.

Cozy Cave. Why is there not a human variety? I’ve joked with friends that I wish I got the XL version of this for me. I mean Luna.

Doesn’t have to work. See above in reference to love of money. Nuff said.

Sleeps all day. If I had one wish in life, it would be to sleep wherever and whenever I want. If we had nap pods at work, I don’t think I would complain about going to work every day.

Doesn’t have to talk to anyone unless she wants to. My dream.

Can eat peanut butter out of the jar and look like a slob and no one will judge her. Another dream of mine. Wait, I think this is already a reality…

Doesn’t have to get dressed in the morning. Not that I’m about that nudist life by any means, but if I wanna stay in my pj’s all day, I’d like to feel empowered to do so, work or no work.

She gets treats just for looking cute. I think this is the cherry on the top. I wish someone would give me treats for being cute *cough cough, Steven*

 

MUST BE NICE, Luna. I guess the only thing I have over her is that I get to sit on the couch. She lost that privilege after she decided to pee on the couch, not once, not twice, but THREE damn times. #BYEFELICIA

 

 

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